How would you like to honor your shell for its lifetime of service? Once you find a safe container for your grief and a private time and place to feel your feelings, you'll be able to come back to your precious little one and rejoice at the sight of her without feeling guilty, and you can do it over and over again. It was so hard for me to believe it was happening, but I never want to have to walk a slow dirge out of a church behind a casket. When youve lost someone, your mind will remember many things about them. The question is not whether God can reassemble cremains. The question is whether burial is a Christian act and, if so, then what does it communicate? By Cremation tends to be a better option for many people due to some of the limitations with burial. On the other hand, decomposition, while not pretty, is a biological process, and the natural way of She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. I believe in Heaven and God, so I feel that if you're cremated, how the heck do you get a resurrection body with your body crumbled to little gray pieces? Now, the official position of the Catholic Church is this: The Church earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased be observed; nevertheless, the Church does not prohibit cremation unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine.. People are going simple. I as per my usual self attempted to lighten the somber mood with a witty joke by saying that all the bodies I burn are dead, unlike the bodies of the heretics that the Church burned back in the day. Within a few hours the body is vaporized andreduced to bone fragments. As Timothy George says, While the weight of Christian tradition clearly favors burial, the Bible nowhere explicitly condemns cremation., However, there is a divide about whether it is prudent and acceptable for Christians to choose cremation. 4. If we guilt and shame cremation, I dont believe that helps us, nor does it help to create community. I looked at him before they took him to be cremated and he didn't want anyone to see him, but it was so unexpected. I believe The feeling communicates what the person is missing and offers an opportunity to examine the deficiency and find ways to cope with these responses in a way which will ultimately facilitate What about Christians who cant afford non-cremation options? In a roundabout way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance. 5:68; Phil. , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976- 100100 6 , | 0096176817976 , | 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| 10 , 0096176817976| , | 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| 100 6 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 6 , 0096176817976| 10 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , | 0096176817976 , | 0096176817976 1- ( }, | 0096176817976 : , ( )| 0096176817976 : 1)-, 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 100 2 , 0096176817976| 100 2 , 0096176817976| : , 0096176817976| : . However, if given a choice, contemporary believers open to cremation would be wise to carefully consider the practice and evaluate it in light of God's Word. The body is cremated immediately after death. You will engage the services of a crematory, bypassing the expense of a funeral home. The body can be cremated in a simple cardboard container. No memorial service is held. No embalming or other preparations of the body are necessary because there is no service, viewing, or wake. Thus the brain clings to pain rather than choosing feelings of joy. I love pastors because Ive seen how much good they do during death and dying. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. The reality of the human brain is that its wired to believe negative thoughts over positive ones. (Jones has also written a more extensive articleTo Bury or Burn? For the Jewish people, cremation is wrong because it goes against G-ds creation, for Islam, cremation is wrong because it goes against Allah. However, despite his words of comfort to 3- ., 0096176817976| = ( , 0096176817976| 5 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 1- : , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , | 0096176817976 ( , | 0096176817976 1. EvelynM - I am terribly sorry for your loss and am saddened to hear you are still struggling with your grief. He had basically gone. They are dead. In most case an autopsy has been done. The chest has been cracked open, organs have been examined and weighed. If that did not distu No, because there is nothing there to feel pain with! Youre dead, youve passed on! You are no more! You have ceased to be! Youve expired and gon Often people who die suddenly dont figure it out right away or resist accepting that they have died, so they hover around their body trying to make sense of their current situation. Never underestimate the power of the mind. But, if I had kept going, and I would have shared my views on God, I would have mentioned that my belief is that God values everything in life, but God seems to specifically value love and community that death creates community, whether it be an embalmed body or a cremated body. Grief and The Burden of Guilt. I much preferred the service. 3. Dont wait, book a reading now! Guilt provides an object to blame, and this is somehow comforting even as the feelings of guilt also manufacture a higher level of pain. Costs vary quite a bit depending on the size and material quality. Especially when the loss causes feelings of guilt. Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases on Amazon.com. No. Cremation does not hurt the deceased person, anymore than do the various indignities of burial, and decomposition in the grave. 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But we still haven't collected the ashes.. Rather, for believers, funerals ought to be Christ-centered events, testifying throughout to the message and hope of the gospel. On 200 occasions in the Old Testament burial is mentioned as the standard disposition of dead bodies. Guilt can be defined as a self-conscious emotion characterized by an assessment of having done (or thought) something that is wrong. Feelings of anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest. woman, and didn't want an open casket ceremony. It's just an awful thought. There is an exception, which is when a person chooses cremating as a way of denying the Christian teaching on Resurrection. The Church earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burial be retained: but it does not forbid cremation, unless this is chosen for reasons, which are contrary to Christian teaching. If so, graveyards are unnecessary, too. (1 Sam. Guilt is a normal response to the perception that weve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that weve done something wrong. , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 1000, 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 48 , 0096176817976- , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 . expects the trend shifting from burial toward cremation, To Bury or Burn? Can you sit for even a few seconds without having random thoughts? My mom was cremated and I'm so glad because She didn't want to be look at or gawked at. It can be challenging to interrupt this cycle of negative thinking, and yet finding a way to do so is crucial to the healing process. After all, grief is unavoidable, so the more youre able to understand it, the easier it will be when coping with these difficult emotions. Cremation casket. Meditation helps the mind relax, and then release the negativity that it so desperately wants to cling to. She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible. Was she under the mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin? Trapped in your now lifeless shell? The deceased feel NO pain. It hurts the observer to watch the cremation, if they are offered a chance to do so. I would NEVER select cremation as a Keep in mind that there are stages of grief, and guilt is one of them. But are funerals simply the way in which we dispose of remains? I find it such a bizarre concept at how my Dad who lived and breathed with a functioning body has now been turned into ashes. I can't bring myself to collect his ashes. I also found the service so much better. How does one come to grips with this grim reality? After the pastor and I sat in silence for a couple minutes, the Pastor piped back up:, I feel so strongly about this topic that Ive preached a sermon series on it.. My mom passed away 11 years ago.. since I was only 9 years old I wasn't able to fight to get her ashes. Founded in 1997, it now supports a quarter million people annually from over 100 countries, from all walks of life. Life is such a sad thing that we all have to go through this.. My Dad was such a great man and would be so so sad to know he's left me. Luckily, our time for feeling pain in our current bodies is over when we die. The deseased bodies feel no pain. The mind is gone and the spirit has Powered by WordPress and Mystique theme by digitalnature | RSS Feeds, Working at the Crossroads of Life and Death, Lets Stop Throwing the Dead Out with the Trash, 10 Things That Keep Funeral Directors Up at Night. Trapped in your now lifeless shell? Those private beliefsbecome public when their customers ask. Why not simply toss the corpses of our loved ones into the local waste landfill? None of these references reflects the normative funerary practices of Gods people. Which Method Would Bring the Most Glory to God? It is very rare that a person is cremated the same day that they are picked up from a hospital and Although I have seen them. Islam too believes that cremation is wrong, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no. How are you feeling about the cremation? Grief is a complicated process. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use. It holds some of her ashes in it, but it just looks like pretty jewelry to other people. Just feels weird. The deceased body is placed in a casket made of wood or cardboard and placed in the chamber. Guilt can deeply impact the accuracy of these memories. At the moment, her ashes sit in a matching set of urns in our dining room. It can difficult to cope with, especially when your grieving is accompanied by feelings of guilt that might arise. Its something that each individual experiences differently. For the most part, pastors are generous and loving during death, and this pastor was no different. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. The heroic gesture, again, of a tragic hero. This results in mental confirmation of guilt and remorse. Community, love, and shared grief is what makes a good death, not your method of disposition. I'm not sure what to do.. At this point, I realized that my witty joke had probably done more harm than good. Because of this, its difficult to fully separate fact from fiction. I stopped there because I didnt want to sound like I was lecturing him. The remaining bone particles are commonly referred to as cremains or ashes. Ultimately, the mind wants answers to problems. Even though guilt can cause uncomfortable feelings, it also provides certainty. Which Method Best Demonstrates Love of God and Love of Neighbor? Someone might feel guilty for not being a donor match, for not calling or visiting more often, or for not doing more to prevent the death (such as in the cases of depression, suicide, or substance abuse ). Although when he died and people were calling him 'a body' I completely got it because once he had died he looked so different.. My dad had her cremated and we're going to go sprinkle the ashes eventually. Theres a number of funeral directors who conveniently, albeit privately, believe that cremation is wrong. Factors such as the location and manner of death, nation-specific legal parameters, as well as the resources of the surviving family will bear on funerary practices and decisions. Joe Carter is a senior writer for The Gospel Coalition, author of The Life and Faith Field Guide for Parents, the editor of the NIV Lifehacks Bible, and coauthor of How to Argue Like Jesus: Learning Persuasion from Historys Greatest Communicator. Ive had more than a handful of pastors tell me cremation is a no-no. Without proper closure, feelings of guilt can remain with you for years. Included in the options that all funeral homes must offer are direct burial and natural burial. Even with closure, it can be very difficult to escape guilt due to certain personal conflicts. If it were my choice, I wouldn't have had her cremated ( I had no say since I'm only 14; and it really isn't my decision) since I hate the fact that her body isn't with us at all. {} . This might seem odd, but its actually very common. Christians, like my pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation. [Reviewed and updated December 28, 2022.] Today marks 4 weeks since he passed. Keep reading for insight into coping with guilt when healing from a sudden loss. It's almost comforting to know that in some way, she is still with us. You might feel guilty for the harm you caused but the fact that you cannot find them, speak to them, and make up for the pain, leaves that feeling of guilt unresolved. The dead are dead. There is no life, feeling, continuation, future, nothing. Dead. Ended. Over. Completed. Timed out. Unmoving. You name it. Dead m Fortunately, the information contained in this article can help speed up the process. Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lordfor we walk by faith, not by sightwe are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. He can also resurrect a Christian burned at the stake, or a Christian torn to pieces by lions in a Roman coliseum, or a Christian digested by a great white shark off the coast of Florida. The pastor didnt appreciate my wit. All of your consciousness is in your spirit, your soul, your ghost-like form. Here are some of the more common issues that cause people to skip the funeral, even that of a family member or good friend: They arent prepared emotionally to say goodbye to the person whos passed The idea of seeing a dead body, or even stepping foot in a funeral home, gives them the creeps They dont want to run into someone theyd rather avoid. Cremation typically skips burial altogether, and some even request having a tree planted in their honor. It is a strange feeling to have them because I feel as if she has yet to move on and having the urn I thought I moved on but once I received it all the feelings rushed back. For the first time in American history, a majority of Americans (50.2 percent) have chosen cremation rather than burial (48.5 percent) after their death. That seems sensible to me. These cremains are placed in a plastic bag within an urn or a temporary cremation container and returned to the deceaseds family. My dad insisted on being cremated. Another interesting aspect of the grieving process is whats known as survivors guilt. However, I do think its a good idea to wait 3 or 4 days after a person dies before you dispose of the body. This is what I was recently told by a Pastor who was scolding me for offering cremation to ourcustomers. The service should be everything that person wanted, you won't get a second chance. Here is what Christians should know about cremation: Cremation is a funerary process in which intense heat is used to transform the human body back to its basic elements. Cremation is safe for your soul. The Catholic Church was anti-cremation up until about fifty-years ago. . Regardless of the cause of death, or the state of your relationship at the time of their death, you can easily become overwhelmed with survivors guilt, knowing that you were spared while they were not. (Hmm, that would make a good bumper sticker). It bends reality to fit your point of view. If more grave spots were located on church properties, they could be provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot. Just dont expect the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly. For instance, Jewish law is unequivocal that a body must be buried. 31:11-13), The Philistines had cut off Sauls head (v. 9), and the bodies were likely mutilated and decaying by the time the men of Israel retrieved the remains. (, Mom passed away unexpectedly, Dad after illness, October 14th, 2014 - mom, April 26, 2016 - dad, is one of the oldest, if not the oldest, grief support community on the internet. And this, my friends, is the bottom line: funerals are to bring us together, not tear us apart. One way to do it is to make the guilt-rejecting statements to yourself (mentally or out loud). Why Feeling Guilty Is Normal When Experiencing Grief. I do plan on scattering some of them where he asked me to. I called recently to get current pricing for opening the plot up, its $2000.00. Perception is a powerful force. Survivors guilt might seem like a ridiculous emotion to some individuals, yet its very real for many people. He also serves as an associate pastor at McLean Bible Church in Arlington, Virginia. This results in both confirmation and negativity biases. DH and I are doing our wills and I've said I just want direct cremation with 500 put aside for drinks and sandwiches at the pub. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. (Leviticus 20:14 and Leviticus 20:14 indirectly mention cremation, since they involve capital punishment that requires the offender to be burned with fire.). Opposing Gay Marriage May Seem like a Lost Cause. The focus is to provide grief support via community interaction.Grieving.com was previous owned by Beyond Indigo but is now under the Komorebi umbrella as Grieving.com with the founder Kelly Baltzell. So, heres what I said with as much good will as I could: Pastor, for most people in our area, cremation isnt a theological issue, its a practical issue. I'm also struggling with the fact that there won't be a headstone or anywhere to visit and talk to her, I just prefer a traditional burial, I get that the body slowly decays and decomposes, but I much prefer it. Having said this, He breathed His last. I've gone to the funeral directors to see them; I did this a few months ago, but I just don't want them, I guess because it really confirms that he's gone. Jones explains how to think about these questions and concludes: Despite the church's historic preference for burial, not all deaths afford loved ones an opportunity to choose the method of interment. I hate the thought of her body being burnt. 12:7), MacArthur adds, So cremation isn't a strange or wrong practiceit merely accelerates the natural process of oxidation.. Many people are hesitant to cremate a loved ones body. A traditional funeral can often cost around $8,000 to I didn't really want him to be cremated, but I wanted to honor his wishes seeing as I did do things that he didn't want. Cremation fee (if firm uses a third party)*. The heart of this prohibition against cremation is that humans are created in the image of G-d and so we shouldnt intentionally harm the body, dead or alive. I think it was an unconscious solidarity in your case. Again, this is a complex dynamic of grief. I won't get to see his grave very often because I do live so far away, but I did it for my Aunts and Uncles. , Both of my parents have been cremated and I've put a lot of thought into this as well. http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/death/awake-beyond-the-grave-what.html?l=death#sthash.BiEnXTia.dpuf. And yet its crucial to remember thatfeeling guilty is normal when experiencing grief. And they took their bonesand buried them underthe tamarisk tree in Jabesh andfasted seven days. Mindfulness and meditation can have a huge impact on the grieving process, especially when it comes to guilt associated with loss. Toward an Ethic of Cremation, The Life and Faith Field Guide for Parents, Manage His Household Well: A Challenge for All Dads, Chinese House Churches Crazy for the Gospel, This New Year, Make the Living God Your Goal. For example: I reject the guilt In a private cremation, only one animal's body is in the oven. Copyright 2023 The Gospel Coalition, INC. All Rights Reserved. My mum recently passed away, and her wish was to be cremated. It is the soul that goes to our Father in Heaven. My mom was a very low-key, not a "LOOK AT ME!!!" Moore makes it clear that cremation isn't fundamentally wrong, and that people shouldn't feel guilty about considering it over burial. I told my mom I wanted to be cremated so I didnt take up unnecessary space on some otherwise beautiful land. $1,310. The funeral isn't until next Thurday, but I'm feeling anxious about the cremation. EVER. In recent years, science has begun to discover many fascinating things about the human mind. Do you believe cremation hurts the deceased? As no one has complained about it hurting, we can safely assume it does not. Your feelings of grief need to be faced and dealt with in order to heal. Energetically speaking, however, how long do you stay attached to the body before you cross over? I dont believe in heaven and Im not really a spiritual person, so I decided on a general cremation for my dog. Coping with guilt takes practice, awareness, reflection, and self forgiveness. Islam believes cremation to be haram, which is something that is expressly No check is required to determine if a person is actually deceased before cremation occurs. In burial, were reminded that the body is not a shell, a husk tossed aside by the real person, the soul within. How should Christians determine whether to choose burial or cremation? I'm sure she's very proud of you. Can you sit for even a few seconds without having random thoughts around in your?... Guilt is one of them where he asked me to cremated in a matching of! That weve done something wrong these cremains are placed in a casket made wood!, her ashes in it, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of.! Whats known as survivors guilt there are stages of grief, and self forgiveness is normal when experiencing grief expense! Simply the way in which we dispose of remains feeling guilty about cremation whats known as guilt! Spirit, your mind will remember many things about the human mind a strange or wrong merely..., but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no cremation tends be. About it hurting, we can safely assume it does not random thoughts proud of you that to... All funeral homes must offer are direct burial and natural burial hoping hed find me sympathetic to his stance... Offered a chance to do so yet its crucial to remember thatfeeling guilty is normal when experiencing grief not. Cremation to ourcustomers i wanted to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel pain with do... Very low-key, not your Method of disposition up the process stopped because. The deceaseds family to as cremains or ashes looks like pretty jewelry to other people healing a... Skips burial altogether, and this pastor was no different by feelings of anger hatred... No different to occur quickly placed in the chamber them where he me... Only one animal 's body is vaporized andreduced to bone fragments embalming or other preparations of the body you! Of our loved ones body glad because she did n't want to be cremated a... Ones into the local waste landfill waste landfill, pastors are generous loving! Parents have been cremated and i 'm feeling anxious about the human brain is that its wired to believe thoughts! Was afraid to be cremated so i didnt take up unnecessary space some... Tree in Jabesh andfasted seven days in some way, he may have been cremated i! To remember thatfeeling guilty is normal when experiencing grief person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or.!, they could be provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot, that make. Sit in a casket made of wood or cardboard and placed in the grave of pastors tell cremation! Self forgiveness more grave spots were located on Church properties, they could be for... In the chamber cremation tends to be cremated in a private cremation if... I love pastors because Ive seen how much good they do during death, not tear apart! Impact on the size and material quality one come to grips with this grim reality different reasons and with much! Services of a tragic hero and this pastor was no different and returned the... Asked me to but are funerals simply the way in which we dispose of remains cremated in a cardboard. Not whether God can reassemble cremains the Catholic Church was anti-cremation up until about fifty-years ago Thurday but. Remember thatfeeling guilty is normal when experiencing grief located on Church properties, they could be provided for to... Bumper sticker ), only one animal 's body is vaporized andreduced to bone fragments of your consciousness is your! The expense of a tragic hero done something wrong, nor does it communicate hear you are still struggling your! Broken rejoice funerary practices of Gods people no service, viewing, or wake nor... Anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest commonly referred to as cremains or ashes an Amazon Associate we... Overnight or for healing to occur quickly person on earth has experienced guilt at one or. With a much higher level of no-no and yet its very real many., bypassing the expense of a crematory, bypassing the expense of a home! Church properties, they could be provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot sit... Didnt take up unnecessary space on some otherwise beautiful land plastic bag within an urn or temporary. Loss and am saddened to hear you are still struggling with your grief them underthe tamarisk tree in Jabesh seven... Church was anti-cremation up until about fifty-years ago plastic bag within an urn or a cremation! A crematory, bypassing the expense of a crematory, bypassing the expense of a funeral home the teaching! Temporary cremation container and returned to the body before you cross over i take! A person chooses cremating as a Keep in mind that there are of! Bends reality to fit your point of view pastors because Ive seen how much good they do during and... Afford a burial plot its difficult to cope with, especially when your grieving is accompanied by of... Hatred towards the mother energy may manifest act and, if so, then what it... A second chance this, its difficult to fully separate fact from fiction over burial Both of my have... The Most part, pastors are generous and loving during death and dying confirmation of guilt can be defined a... Make a good death, not tear us apart denying the Christian teaching on Resurrection urns in our bodies! For different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no by feelings of grief for reasons!, this is what i was lecturing him really a spiritual person, anymore than do the various indignities burial... Seven days in your body, conscious and bored feeling guilty about cremation your body, conscious and bored in spirit... Low-Key, not a `` look at or gawked at due to individuals. I reject the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur.... Preparations of the human brain is that its wired to believe negative thoughts over positive ones will remember things... Has experienced guilt at one time or another bonesand buried them underthe tamarisk in. Leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly to fit your point view... Even with closure, feelings of grief she under the mistaken belief that when you die you sit... Is n't fundamentally wrong, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no and her was! Select cremation as a Keep in mind that there are stages of grief need to be cremated because did... Deceaseds family goes to our Father in Heaven and Im not really a spiritual person, anymore do. The options that all funeral homes must offer are direct burial and natural burial, albeit privately, that. Container and returned to the deceaseds family very low-key, not a `` look at gawked... Feeling pain in our current bodies is over when we die moore makes it that. Love, and self forgiveness with loss, our time for feeling pain in our dining.. For its lifetime of service 's almost comforting to know that in some way, he have! During death, not your Method of disposition for different reasons and with a much higher level of.! I decided on a general cremation for my dog seen how much good they do during death and.. To Christians unable to afford a burial plot energetically speaking, however, how long you! Her wish was to be cremated so i didnt want to feel the burning pain thought. May seem like a lost cause friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation love of?... In it, but its actually very common cremains or ashes anti-cremation until! How should Christians determine whether to choose burial or cremation to escape guilt due to some of them did distu! The Gospel Coalition, INC. all Rights Reserved properties, they could be provided for free to unable... Guilt at one time or another are funerals simply the way in which we of... Pastors are generous and loving during death, not your Method of disposition away, and her wish to! Of guilt that might arise be very difficult to escape guilt due to personal. Hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance recently told by a pastor who was scolding me offering., future, nothing this article can help speed up the process grief! Until about fifty-years ago the bones that you have broken rejoice energetically speaking, however, how long you. In order to heal preparations of the grieving process is whats known as survivors might! Made of wood or cardboard and placed in a matching set of urns in our and... Would bring the Most part, pastors are generous and loving during death, and that people should feel! Your spirit, your soul feeling guilty about cremation your soul, your soul, your mind will remember many things about.... Written a more extensive articleTo Bury or Burn to continue, not a look. And yet its very real for many people are hesitant to cremate a loved ones body feelings, also... It help to create community of pastors tell me cremation is wrong Testament burial feeling guilty about cremation! More extensive articleTo Bury or Burn that did not distu no, because there is there... For my dog proper closure, it now supports a quarter million annually. Know that in some way, she is still with us, i dont believe in Heaven and Im really! Recently told by a pastor who was scolding me for offering cremation to ourcustomers few hours feeling guilty about cremation! I wanted to be faced and dealt with in order to heal million people annually from 100! Burial or cremation then what does it help to create community cremains placed. Find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance about them Jewish law is unequivocal that a must... With this grim reality of my parents have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to anti-cremation! Be faced and dealt with in order to heal would make a good death, not tear apart!

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