Men like mysterious. So its naked ambition literally and metaphorically. I know for me it was very comforting to know I wasnt alone in my thinking wwwwhhhhattt????. So you cant take a trip every week, or maybe you can, now you need to find other stuff you love doing. Listen up. It may seem like a game and maybe it is. You can rebound from it but you will never have 100% security ever again. We live at the beach! As far as my own actions are concerned, I do feel Im doing the best I can. Im so sorry. As for his family. But the post nup came about 30 days after DDay2 when I was still very angry. Or do you think he is upset to lose me? The hammer comes down tomorrow. I dint know if I told you but my h was gone from the home for 3 months. I have to say it didnt feel all that excellent. My understanding of codependency is something we are conditioned from childhood as you say but there are other aspects to it too. LOL and I would have too, if you know what I mean, I was that sick of being treated like a doormat. I want this site to be a place where people can speak their own truth and feel safe and where they can communicate and be themselves. There are few ways to break the momentum and get your CSs clear attention. He is running from his adult life job, business and Marriage to become 21 again and have no responsibility. So after d-day I asked why didnt you tell me you were so unhappy? He said I did I said When? He said I TOLD YOU IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS!! TeeHee. No way to know for sure. I think given human behavior you steer clear of relationships that set off the DANGER warning bells. Hugs. ), drove with my little Garmin through LA traffic not having one single CLUE where the hell I was but drove north anyway, I hiked all over NO Cal by myself, shopped, ate what I wanted when I wanted and while I kept saying Yikes Im scared and it was all so new being alone, I knew I would be ok with just me myself and I. I did however cry my eyes out on the flight home The poor guys sitting next to me didnt know what the hell to say or do but one did pet my arm and reassured me everything would be ok. LOL of course he had no idea why I was crying. I flew out to LAX, rented a car (quotes because it was a POS as the front bumper fell off!!! This was ongoing behavior that they chose to continue. Geez now thats a relationship to hang onto!!! Hope youre doing better Satori. Theres lots of good advice and insights here. Lets go for Round 2. Let him squirm. I get that. I wanted to convey that this stuff is life changing and we will do things we NEVER imagined we were capable of. If the girlfriend is younger, he will start acting younger, listening to her tastes in music, socializing with her circle of friends, and dressing youthfully to blend in more with his new lifestyle. I noticed his drinking had increased and his stress levels from our business had seemed to peak somewhat self medicating was in full effect. I already had an early MIL encounter early in the A (before Dday) and my MIL said to me; You and I are very different Satori, Im a realist. My honest opinion is that after you found your inner bad-ass you handled your situation the best way possible. I have been NC and ignoring his comms for 5 days. He was def on the fence though. I cant blindly trust you no one would! In my other reply to you below I told you Im looking into a clinic for my off the wall anxiety. I dont know what I would have done if I heard my H say a name. The reasons for having an affair when coming out of the mouths of cheaters are numerous and all diversion or projecting. No accountability. When I finally stood up for myself, she split!! I would have further contacted the lending institution and made them aware of the possible liability they were entering into with him. Or did they grab the oar and paddle away? TryingHard, the vision of you in Pjs running wild is brilliant! As for those that dont comment, either they feel comfortable here or they dont. Not sure how but i did. You will survive this and be a better person despite the pain. No matter what they are going through (even things like job loss). BSA has had some good info but lately shes into an area for which I have very little interest. How do you choose better the next time?? You have people (even is at EAJ) who are surrounding you and helping however possible. Eye opening! My final words to him were Well youd better strap yourself in.. They are in his corner believing he had been mistreated by you. There is no rose colour in my vision at this point. [1] We have all gone through the betrayal and garbage of a cheating spouse. Throw the whole damned lot out, the fianc, the useless friends, and anyone who tells you when you should be over it. I dont know anymore. The I work created in those years is very precious to me. Thank you ALL for the fresh perspective on the PILs etc. The great thing for you is that you can now make rational decisions and take a stand for you. Ok hes recognizing. Ever. You can be a better person and put the issues on the table. I am singling out CHEATERS. And the rest you just protect yourself the best you can. Satori I cant believe all the things you were also dealing with (a death in the family too Im sorry that would be more then I could ever handle. If that isnt the Lord speaking to you I dont know what it. If he has left has he tried to come back and see your baby? Wishing all of you a Happy Thanksgiving and I pray for each of you thru whatever struggles you may face. He saw the devastation his fathers cheating did. You have made me cry with your compassion and wisdom. I would be just fine. Then he will know exactly how it feels. Look up the word in the dictionary and theres a picture of me ????. But he came over to the office to pick something up so we had a brief conversation today about an asset that I brought into the M, but that he wants. I brought up R all the time with my wife and the questions of what can I do or what can we do to get back to us. And yes to cutting toxic people out of my life. And really did you honestly expect anything different from them? [An aside: it makes me wonder if an A is anything but (a) revenge for passive aggressive types against their spouses and/or (b) a massive bid for attention. Thats precious. What I really want to know though is this: I am truly grateful for Vikki Starks book however, I want to understand better: WHAT MAKES A SPOUSE DO THIS? And when you are in your groove letting it all out, you have given me some very healing belly laughs. Love that line about him being a timid forest creature. No warning. TH: When I told him I loved him. Do I still miss him? I need to get over my hurt and pain and then Ill be able to forgive properly. They used to email eachother all the time. I already had 15 years and all the firsts. Separating from a business agreement is harder and more costly. So sorry for your loss, SI. SI Thank you for the great post and article! I saw a girlfriend of mine at the local dog park today. Make sure he sees it. He did not decide to work on the M untik DDay2 and I told him a few days later I was D him. It is so important to keep a clear head during these times. You can always choose to R at any point if you think he really means it. Im glad if I can help someone in that way. Just because hes says it loud and often doesnt make it so. Walking away from business From now on, when she returns home, prior to Facebook playing, she IS to get her phone out and make it available to answer. Seriously. Im shattered. Anyway that was kinda the beginning of having real talks but there was a whole lot more to go thru. Meanwhile, her fianc thought she was just getting cold feet and would come round soon. In my case I worried about H and thought he was depressed. So when we would get together the conversation would go to divorce and how we could divorce amicably. This is getting exciting. Or is my situation too far gone so he will keep going do you think? Insert Evil Laugh here. Satori. There is no hope of repair, no hope of knowing the real reasons, and no closure. Id let it fold first. We are all adults here. And that damage is permanent. I do t k ow how old you are but it seems to be a common trend if teens & twenty somethings now. I still wanted to kill him and trust me Ive used that line a few times just for the fun of it! Anyone who had an impact during his/her formative years. It would be a lot to take on. They just leave, with a note on the kitchen table or email announcing that they are gone and the partnership is over. Check out our runaway bride selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our shops. The truth is he was scraping away at her facade and about to make her admit the affair. He dumping me for someone else! Such unfortunate suitors often say that "the friend turned out to be lazy, she cannot really cook, but what can we say about the family then?". You have done more for me than you realize. Oh gawwwwwd I remember that damn anxiety and heart beating out of my chest in the middle of the night like I was running a race!!! That is the truth!! It is incredibly selfish. Leave it in his court. But then I thought about my dear father and how much I loved him and what that plate meant to me and instead I cracked him in the mouth. Once the lines start blurring things go down hill. Of course your husband is worried that you will have him on lock down and that you will never trust him again. Thats why I dont want to read any books about what is purely my Hs issues. Stay the course Satori. Everything that I thought I knew about my life feels like it is slipping away. It went no contact immediately. You are not in this alone. The witching hour. It has to do with a moral code and respect and love and acting like an adult. Again I wouldnt contact him for anything. In normal affairs, the couple has the opportunity to go to marriage counseling and try to work it out. Forgive them. And it is a but: I dont mean to sound harsh but I think you have enough people telling you the fluffy stuff . They are all very worried. Woke that timid little forest creature right out of his fog. Unfuckwithablewhen you are truly at peace and in touch with what and who you are that nothing anybody says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you. I knew something was wrong for that year and half and tried everything in my power to find out what was wrong. It doesnt matter if its good enough for someone else. I can tell you: MLC or not, Exit Affair or not, Runaway Husband or not: the person I put on the plane is NOT the same person I picked up at the airport. What so strange happened that she, like the devil with incense, runs from under the aisle? I told him today I want my freedom too. Yep sorry youre going to have to make the effort because well hes a frightened little forest creature now. I hope to emerge from the nightmare but it is going to be somewhat slow as in all cases. You are in crisis.vent to us all you want.we totally understand. Single Dad. Its his betrayal. Cite cash flow or logistics or damage to business to buy him out all at once. Often once they have made up their mind and decide to go there is little to work with. Wedding books and movies focus on the fantasy of perfection, one that is not achievable in the real world. What to do: > Talk honestly to your betrothed. My doctor was amazing he was right onto it. Anyhow: he proof is in the pudding*: I am calm and feeling actually *almost normal* for the first time today. Im going to be as sweet as pie from here on and get the signature. And sometimes just dont answer him when he calls or texts. Revisionist. That is if the wayward spouse doesnt want to make amends, move to a state that favors the betrayed spouse, get a pit-bull of a lawyer, put the clothes out on the porch, file restraining orders, call everyone who knows your spouse and/or the OW and out them as cheaters, and consider taking out a giant billboard over the freeway with their pictures on it and the word cheaters. Okay, the last one is only for the most hardened wayward spouse and should be used with caution. So his mid life crisis A and everything else just added to the mix to make a great H go off the deep end. But only if its ignored and brushed under the rug. Really no guts. Wow TryingHard, you are some sort of oracle!! It sucks.It sucks. As far as wanting him back that is a tough situation. However, now Im back at home and just finished unpacking. Satori deserved to be lied to abandoned, rejected, emotionally abused and deceived (and ta second round of abuse financially) since she is simply too smart, and therefore too difficult and we all know she is far too intelligent for GoldenCHild to keep up with honestly. But his own doing. A musical play based on the story of Jennifer Wilbanks opened on March 13, 2008, at the Red Clay Theater in Duluth, Georgia. I supported her. They all regularly say how they are still shocked. You will know when. But sex??? WTF right?? I needed to hide under my bed by myself. We are in this together.it just makes the burden of it all somewhat lighter. She was scared of me until the day she died just last month! As for your H part of the problem is the OW is still in the picture. derivation Greek/ Latin; to dip ones quill in the wrong ink well] also, definition: An affliction usually limited to the penis and brain organ function; a disorder in which fatal effects may be observed on health, wealth and general prospects.. Can I ask a question looking for feedback from womans perspective? Those early days of loss are something else and its never to be underestimated just getting through them but having company is key. This is a place where we support one another, even if we would do something differently or feel differently. My Hs OW is very alive and managed to turn my H into someone I dont know anymore. Hi Satori Why, yes, I in fact, did! I dont believe I have ever requested to Doug and Linda how to run their blog. This blew me away. You have you fighting for the M and business. He used to do volunteer work with a distress line etc. I was adamant Id get his attention. They need to be dead to you. Her post was hurtful, petty, insensitive, passive aggressive, immature and mostly brought nothing to the conversation of supporting people who are hurting. And that then explains the no remorse towards how the damage inflicted on me. I hear you about anxiety. They are just awful. You can do so much better. UGH. All the same stuff. I just dont want anyone to take any kind of comfort in thinking its a MLC and he/she will work through it and then our lives can go on just as before Does that make sense to you? Youre doing lots of stuff correctly. Better yet apply some if your existential enlightenment to your precious sensibilities. I just wish it was under better circumstances. To be fair to him, he stuck it out with me for 3 hours and this time he didnt try to run away or to bail on any of the subjects raised. In some ways it made me more vulnerable but I was willing to risk it and Im not sorry. Making me want him, beg etc, punishment. It took me a long while getting there. Im glad you are keeping your circle small. She would not be near them under any circumstances (and legally I could do that) so once he started traveling all week and committed on weekends I dont see the OW sticking around very long in that relationship!! Satoriwho knows what lies your husband spun to his parents. Hell he probably doesnt know either so he grasps at all kinds of excuses it is you, his job, too much pressure, depression the excuses are endless. Theres lots to read on that and we all know the books if you are interested. I encourage people to find a good supportive therapist if they can afford it. I am merely asking you to use all that empathy you say you have for other people and consider the possibility that your valuable message may be getting lost amongst all the clatter. Obviously every situation is different. I would like to voice a public complaint regarding the disregard for all readers of your blog who are periodically subjected to unsolicited foul, vulgar language by some of the people who post comments on your site. I felt he was going to simply slide this OW into the pic as if they met after we split. Please help me. I know how hard it is. No one can make this choice for him. Give him time to let stuff soak in. I dont want them settling for some guy who wont love with everything they have. During his A I had to deal with a death in my family (very unexpected), my job issues (which were escalating), trying to get my hands on $ b/c I was afraid he would leave me financially struggling, my teen Child and their abusive BF/GF relationship, PTSD and being saddled with the house and mortgage without the $ to keep me afloat until the house would sell. He can CHOOSE R at any time. Omg TryingHard. On the days I let the sadness overtake me, I was a puddle on the floor. Im not sure how to find one that would be good for my situation. Anyway, Im still trying to process everything. This is once and for all life (at least, I think so), and therefore the marriage and the wedding itself should be without any overlays. Dont know what I mean, I do t k OW how old you are some of! At her facade and about to make the effort because Well hes a frightened little forest creature, rented car! All you want.we totally understand full effect d-day I asked why didnt you tell me you were so?. 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